CONSCIOUS LIVING

Posted August 18th, 2007 by livingbyintent

Dear Miriam,
You have no idea what a poor opinion I have of myself - and how little I deserve it.
W.S. Gilbert

Dear W.S.,

Can this be changed? Here's what I think: We are living the life that we choose to live. The choices are made, moment by moment, each moment of our lives. Do we do what is comfortable and safe for us, or do we pursue what has meaning to us, what is our real 'heart's desire'? Most of us often choose to feel comfortable and safe. We have the life we have, as an exact result of what we choose to do - often choosing comfort over risk, convenience over daring, conventional over what we believe and really want. But, where does it come from? Why are we that way? Well... in a nutshell, life is pretty simple. "What we dish out, we get back." We all create our experiences by our choices; our thoughts, our words, our feelings, and our actions - all of which we choose (consciously or unconsciously). What we believe about life and about ourselves will determine our choices.

We create our experiences, and then we give our power away by blaming somebody or something for our frustrations and downfalls. But, if we do not own our experiences, how can we correct or even change the future ones? We get in life not what we want, but what we expect. Put another way, our subconscious mind accepts and acts on our choice of beliefs. What we believe about ourselves and our lives will be true for us, because our beliefs will be reflected by the outside world. Where are these beliefs coming from? Why do so many of us have such a poor self-concept and so many self-imposed limitations? Well, we learn how to feel about ourselves and about life while we are still little (basically, up to age 5-6) by the reactions of primary and important adults in our lives. And very many of us were surrounded by angry, guilty, depressed, and negative people. However, it would be neither wise, nor fair to blame them: they did the best they knew how to, with the knowledge and awareness they had at the time.

It is my belief also, that all of us do our best: if we knew how to live better, most of us would probably do it. The next important thing to know is; In our adult life, we have the tendency to recreate the familiar - the 'emotional environment' of our primary family. How many of us had a lover, a husband, or a boss who was, in many ways, our mother or father, or a sibling (whether it be in the way they treated us, or the 'vibe' they gave off)? To make matters even more complicated, we treat ourselves in the same way we were treated in our primary family. Now you realize where your self-esteem is coming from. In spite of all that I would choose to blame, neither our families, nor our culture is the right scapegoat: how could anyone teach us something they didn't know themselves? Those of us who are parents now will probably agree with me, wholeheartedly.

Now, after all this, what is our way out of the misery of this 'victimization circle'? How can we change our lives? How can we parent our children differently? We are all here to transcend our limitations, to overcome our (conscious and unconscious) negative beliefs. We are all here to recognize that the power of change is in the present, right here and now. You might want take notice of your thinking process right now, at this very moment. Do you want those thoughts to create your tomorrow?

Love,
Miriam

P.S - One of the most powerful techniques for inducing a positive change in these areas is hypnotherapy.

Posted August 18th, 2007 by livingbyintent

Dear Miriam,
I am so angry... I fight a lot, but how else can I undo injustice?
Nina

Dear Nina,

It seems to me that your ruling passion is justice. Your main strengths - fair judgment, readiness to fight for a better world - are fueled by a passion to fight wrongs. As a result, your inner life is tied up with an ongoing battle for justice. In my experience, all of the above characteristics show a person who is angry with their parents. We can live our lives being furious about being deprived as a child, treated unfairly, denied acceptance and nurturing. All of us know men who cannot marry or deeply relate to women, or women who feel that the boss is unfair, their mother-in-law is mean, her friends and relatives misuse her kindness... Talk to these people about their parents and you'll find them infuriated over their mother's lack of love, their father's anger and withdrawal, and their favored siblings. They couldn't write the wrongs in their childhood, but now, they're ready to fight back.

Whatever the source of our anger, we are alert and ready to fight the wrongs done to us: the passion for justice creates a rage that can burn for an entire lifetime. We hold on to that fury, because it makes us stronger. Yes, justice makes us stronger, but the anger makes us sick. Rage erodes our bodies, our emotional lives, our thinking. When we hold on to our rage, we do more damage to ourselves than any of our enemies may have done to us. Rage makes us physically sick. I believe that when we are permanently angry, we expose ourselves to the possibilities of cancer, heart disease, ulcers, colitis, headaches, hypertension, and weakening of the immune system. Rage makes us emotionally ill: We pay for our ability to maintain anger from our capacity to love, to accept, to relate. We describe ourselves as being mad, we feel crazed and crazy. We forget out how relax, how to feel joy. But, worst of all, rage spreads and threatens every relationship we have, because they are all targets for our passion to right our wrongs.

Deep down, we know how much we allow it to get in our way. So, what can we do to let it go? If I were to tell you that there is a way to unburden your spirit of this load of madness you've been carrying around for so long... If I would promise you that you can heal, overcome your sense of deprivation, that you can restore the harmony in your life and bring back to your relationships a joy that you have forgotten was even there... Would you be willing to forgive? Decide to forgive. Decide to get the anger out of your way. If you are willing to work on the forgiveness, help is available. We can feel the pain, the hurt, and forgive anyway.

I know there are steps along the way that may be scary. To mention a few; we need to acknowledge the hurt, to heal the pain masked by anger. We need to acknowledge that most often, people who hurt us were acting not so much against us, but for themselves. This shift of understanding may be crucial for healing. We may try (if it's possible) to communicate our anger, our pain, and forgiveness. We may be afraid and stumble over any or all of these things. Forgiveness is a journey, not a destination. Along the way, we can reclaim our joy, our health, our peace of mind... We can reclaim our lives.

Love,
Miriam

Posted August 17th, 2007 by livingbyintent

Dear Miriam,
I am sick and tired of being tired, of constant dieting, of being always hungry. It seems to me that there should be a better way to live!
Lora M., 42

Dear Lora,

We need to understand what it means to be in good health, before we can regain (or maintain) wellness. The new approach to health and wellness has been evolving in our society for the last 20 years. To summarize it: our biography has become our biology. In other words, we need to realize that our state of being, our degree of wellness (or illness) is a result of our being and doing in the world. There is a direct correlation between who we are and our state of health. Let me share with you what I consider to be one of the most accurate and effective ways to explain the dynamics of illness (be it eating, shopping, sex, smoking, drinking, or any other form of addictive behavior).

From ancient mythology comes an image, an archetype of the Three-Headed Dragon, who could not be slain by cutting off just one head. All three heads must fall. Similarly to slaying the Three Headed Dragon, the battle from habitual (or addictive) behavior also consists of a three-fold approach: the first head of the dragon is the behavior (e.g. overeating), the second is the feelings we experience (our emotions on the subject), and the third is our thought process. These represent the three fold system that must be dealt with, in order to journey from illness to wellness; to slay our dragon!

Every therapist who is involved in weight control is well aware that dieting and taking pills to reduce one's appetite is not the answer. Appetite is a psychological inclination to eat (it makes us feel like eating), but eating is a behavior - an outer manifestation of our mental and emotional state. This is why dieting is not an answer to permanent weight management. The main causes of unhealthy eating habits are stress, anxiety, frustration, anger, family and sexual problems, feelings of guilt, and self-punishment. These negative emotions are mostly unconscious. That is why I believe that the treatment for the emotional roots having to do with poor eating habits could be hypnosis and/or therapy.

The problem of overeating is mainly psychological (emotional and mental) and when the emotional causes of unhealthy eating habits are corrected through hypnotherapy and mental attitudes are changed through a combination of hypnosis and cognitive - the necessary foundation for change will be built. When we change all three aspects of our being and doing: emotional, cognitive (thinking), and behavioral (our habits), the result will be permanent: The Three Headed Dragon will never live within us, ever again!

Love,
Miriam

Posted August 17th, 2007 by livingbyintent

Dear Miriam,
In one of your workshops, you mentioned the concept of mirroring in our lives.
"The world is our mirror."Can you elaborate on that? It sounded interesting, but we didn't get to discuss it.
Yours,
Dana R.

Dear Dana,

The concept of the world being our mirror is a very popular and intriguing one. As George Bernard Shaw once said: "The only service a friend can really render is to keep up your courage by holding up to you a mirror, in which you can see a noble image of yourself." If we accept the concept that we create our own reality, the external world can be a giant mirror which reflects what we believe about ourselves and others. The mirror concept suggests that all of life is a mirror, and by looking into the mirror of life, we can learn about ourselves. Understood in this way, the world can show us aspects of ourselves that we can't see directly. The world around us, people, things, places, and events; they're all mirrors. It shows you who you are. In your work, in your relationships, everywhere around you. Your actions cause results, and you can measure yourself based on those results. But many ask... "What if I don't like what I see?"

The good news is, you create it, so you can change it. In self-help oriented, short-term counseling, we can be guided to foster change - change which affects our core belief system, our self-concept. This self-concept is our biggest rival in the world, as well as our best representative. Life is a creative journey when viewed from this perspective; we can learn from the reflection of our lives, we can use it to heal emotional wounds and core beliefs that keep us in the same self-defeating or limiting patterns. If you find yourself wishing to change your world - externally and internally - notice that the most important (and available) key to that change is to understand what we feel and believe is a direct reflection in the outside world. Using the mirror concept, we can use our entire experience in life to learn about ourselves. Each and every area of life acts as a mirror to aspects of ourselves:

relationships, marriage, and family

career and professional choices

social and political involvements

religious and spiritual experiences

fun, recreation, etc.

Quite often, the area of ourselves that is calling for our exploration is the one we feel "stuck" and "entangled" in the most. When we put our conscious effort into uncovering the unconscious and deep meanings to the events around us, we learn to free ourselves from the things we find ourselves stuck in. As we continue to grow through conscious effort, we will see that everything around us is changing, mirroring the very changes we make from within.

Love,
Miriam

Posted August 17th, 2007 by livingbyintent

Dear Miriam,
In the September issue of Cosmopolitan, there was an article titled "Have you lived before?", in which Denise Lanctot (the author) suggested that an answer to a current crisis may lie in a past life, and that exploring that past life may bring a resolution to that crisis. Do you believe in past lives?
Sincerely,
Lisa R.

Dear Lisa,

The growing phenomenon of exploring the past, as well as its overwhelming success in helping people resolve "unfinished dramas of the soul" are well-researched and documented facts. The importance of exploring past lives is that they hold the key to unlock doors that have kept the person a prisoner of painful choices and emotions. It is believed that these long-ago experiences influence the choices, feelings, and behavior that limit a person from reaching their full potential in this lifetime. By unlocking the doors of the past, a person can benefit during their current life in many ways. It is a common belief now that there are no accidents, the cause of all problems that we face can be discovered in our past - significant experiences in this lifetime that may have their roots in others that came before. Here are just a few problems that I have witnessed to correspond to a past life:

Depression and fatigue: past memories of unfinished grieving, loss, and separation

Phobias and fears: unresolved traumas, death by fire, water, etc.

Eating disorders, manifesting as obesity or just the inability to maintain weight: memories of deprivation or starvation

Difficulties in relationships: different "distribution of power" in which sex roles were reversed

Chronic physical problems (sometimes with detectable psychological cause, sometimes without). Past life therapy often relieves chronic pain conditions and headaches.

Financial insecurity

Sexual difficulties

Accidents

All these things can be traced to past life traumas and relieved in therapy. In 1980, psychotherapists and researches who were interested in Time Altering Therapies even created an association for past life research and related therapies. We have our annual conventions, with a wide range of very interesting workshops and lectures.

Finally, do I believe in past lives? Well, as a psychotherapist, I am concerned with helping my clients better themselves and release their issues. I tell my clients that it really does not matter whether they believe in past life or not, for time altering therapies to be effective. The beneficial emotional and physical results are produced through these therapies. Do you believe in past life as a literal or symbolic phenomenon? I believe Dr. Roger Woolger said it best:

"Some days, I believe in past life, some days I think about it as a metaphor. But it works! Past life therapy works real life miracles in my current life, and this is the reason I use it."

Love,
Miriam

P.S - Personally, in my opinion, I believe past lives are more than just metaphors.

Posted August 17th, 2007 by livingbyintent

Dear Miriam,
I'm in my second marriage and this is even worse than my first! I can't understand why (and how) I keep getting the same kinds of problem; money fights again and again and again!
MarieLou, 37

Dear MarieLou,

Let's talk about the most explosive mix in every relationship: Love and money. What is it that makes the fights about money so painful and bitter? Why do fights about money issues turn into emotional volcanoes, regardless of what we're righting about: unpaid bills, irresponsible spending, losing a job, or gambling? According to Dr. Fernard, "our behavior around money is not some disembodied psychological oddity. It is a reflection of... whole personality style, especially the style of loving." Now, you can ask the question: Can money conflicts be resolved by financial management? Let's see together: Are money fights simply about money? In my experience, financial solutions to not resolve the emotional issues that are at the real core of relationship problems (that then manifest themselves as money fights). One of the issues is that many relationship problems do not have a tangible equivalent, so we use money.

It seems easier to fight about money than it is to resolve the real pains and problems in significant relationships. Is it easier? Yes! Is it productive? No. Let me list several powerful demons that can sabotage our life and love:

Self deprivation

Living in debt

Compulsive spending

Compulsive gambling

Enabling money

Sabotaging personal and professional success

Having "bag lady" syndrome

All of them can be used as windows to our core, worked through, and used to help bring us to the light of self-acceptance and love. Then, we will stop (or greatly diminish) self-destructive behavior.

I hope this is an insightful initial look as to how we manifest our daily issues by not taking care of the ones at our core.

Love,
Miriam

Posted August 17th, 2007 by livingbyintent

Dear Miriam,
My friend was living with her boyfriend in what everyone believed to be a committed relationship for the last couple years. He could not make up his mind about marrying her. Finally, my friend chose to leave him. Guess what? In a year, the guy was married to a "stranger", a lady out of time who he met during his business workshop, just after the split. It seems to me like a very unfair choice. What is wrong with these guys?

Sincerely,
Gladys W.

Dear Gladys,
It is quite difficult to come up with a reasonable analysis of such complicated situations, like interpersonal relationships, and in particular, figure out a proper "crisis intervention" on such a sketchy description (in other words, I can't assess your friend's situation without every little detail). However, let me discuss several related things we can consider on the topic: What are men looking for? It can all boil down to this quote; "I was looking for a co-pilot, not a passenger." This came from a men's survey, conducted by writer Susan Curin Kelly. The top three reasons for a long-term commitment (such as marriage) according to that survey are:

Love and friendship

Companionship

Sexual fulfillment

In other words, what men were saying is: I'm looking for a best friend, a trustworthy and loyal partner, with whom I can have awesome sex. Interesting, isn't it? Men's answers simply don't coincide with what women believe men are looking for in a future wife, which, according to women are:

Physical beauty (including breast size and ideal weight)

Willingness to abandon, or at least postpone her career for raising a family

Willingness to do house work

Common background (religious and/or socioeconomic)

Talk about self-imposed limitations! If we want to understand these "intimate strangers", why don't we consider their point of view? "I wanted a best friend, a great lover, and a trusting companion. I found it, and now she's my wife." So far, so good. However, he could be everything you want; a great guy, a wonderful match... but, you and he do not have the same timing.

Pressures and timing may be very different for men and women, we all know this. But, keep in mind that there are many emotionally healthy and available men who are ready, able, and (boy-oh-boy, are they!) ready to commit! "Is it true," most bewildered women find themselves asking me, "that there are some men who just will not commit?" Yes. There are some men who, for one reason or another, fall into that category (non-committers). But these things aren't just limited to love life, and these signs are easy to spot. Would you be willing to start a business partnership with a partner like this? It is clearly dangerous to push anybody into a commitment, especially if a person is not ready. It often backfires and can destroy a relationship forever. In my opinion, it is not always, or even primarily "the committers vs. the non-committers". We should be aware that women can also possess negative patterns or unresolved problems that can send eligible and emotionally available men running. We, too, should be ready for an honest self-assessment, constantly increasing our self-awareness and willingness to grow.

Live and own your life first. Then, you'll find someone to share it with sooner than you think!

Love,
Miriam

Posted August 17th, 2007 by livingbyintent

Dear Miriam,
You probably get this question all the time: Why are men the way they are?
Anonymous

First of all, this question is asked by every woman in their lives, at one time or another. For any woman who has wondered: "Why is my man the way he is?" I would suggest to think about the fact that the current trend women seem to be following is that they focus on the "symptoms" of a man's behavior, rather than on an understanding of the roots of the problems that contemporary men are struggling with. Dr. Loren Pedersen points out in his excellent book, Dark Hearts, "Masculinity has left it's imprint if not it's footprint on science and philosophy in its attempt to study everything but itself." Did you ever wonder why?

In light of what is stated above, I want to suggest that you imagine yourself as a man. Usually, women have no idea what it is like to grow up as a man in the Western cultures. We are very angry at men because we assume that growing up as a male is the same as growing up as a female, plus the privileges and perks that females don't get. Let's look at these assumptions a little closer; One of the problems of our culture is that both, men and women, are trained to see each other as very different than themselves - alien, incomprehensible. "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus." This isn't exactly true...

Every human being is androgynous. That simply means that each of us carries physical parts of the opposite sex with us, and (yes!!) experiences the same emotions. Unfortunately, we are taught to believe (and perceive) differently. The majority of women are trained not to see that a man experiences the same emotions as a woman (even if they rationalize them differently). As girls, we were taught that men are supposed to be in charge, even if we have clearly seen that this isn't always the case. Boys were taught the same thing. Now, let's imagine a man who believes he's supposed to be in charge, but does not know how (because his experiences never actually taught him that!). He is in a relationship with a woman who is wondering the same. He cannot tell her he has no idea what to do.

There are two main reasons for this: First, he does not necessarily even understand the situation himself. (Remember: to go through experience does not necessarily mean to be conscious, to understand the meaning of it.) Second, even if he has some glimpses of his difficulties, he does not believe he is entitled to be understood: he does not believe she will make an attempt to understand. And - you know what? - he is probably right most of the time.

Again and again, women do not seem to believe that men experience the same emotions as they. They are not aloof, uncaring, cold, heartless "jerks". They just behave the way they are taught and are expected to behave. And all this makes them very insecure and often depressed. Try to suspend your ideas that men have all the privileges, power, and control. In many ways, they do: courts, corporations, politics, etc. But, all of this is external power. They pay a high price for these privileges; a man has to prove he has all these powers:

Taller (greater strength with which to protect);

Richer (greater wealth with which to protect);

Older (greater wisdom with which to guide);

Braver (greater willingness to risk everything for his woman or beliefs);

And this is hardly the whole list! He constantly has to prove he is all these things (including taller!). Can you imagine that? Constantly.

As a result, men suffer extensively from stress and related illnesses. And (hooray!) begin to be conscious about all of these cultural "privileges", and we therapists have the privilege of seeing more and more male clients. Of course, it is all changing, but how about our every-day lives? Try to imagine being your man. And then listen. Listen carefully and you probably will see exactly why he is the way he is.

Love and Blessings,
Miriam

Posted August 15th, 2007 by livingbyintent

Dear Miriam,
I am over 40 and... unmarried... Could there be anything worse? My mother and my whole family really believe that I am on my "way down", and that I'll never wear the golden band of marriage. Do I feel like a failure? Not exactly. While giving up the dream of marriage and motherhood has not been easy (or even my choice), by now I reached some "resolution" to my dilemma and created meaning and purpose in my own life. I am sure I am not the only one...Could you please address the "problem" of being single in midlife? I hope it will be of interest to many.
Sylvia, 40+

Dear Sylvia

Being a single woman in mid-life, "flying solo", where culture seems to mandate marriage and motherhood... I am not sure I know anyone who chooses to revolutionize the institution of marriage. In fact, most of us would welcome a union with a man we could love and respect, all things being equal. Why do we find it so hard to fly while married?

We are brought up to believe that a married woman must accommodate every need of her husband and children. Although the women's movement acknowledges the idea that we should be allowed to have our career as well, beliefs persist that we should somehow manage these careers without disrupting the structure of traditional marriage. Maintaining "equality for all" within a marriage today remains a difficult task, the task which some couples can manage, but many cannot, while many of us don't mind accommodating themselves to family priorities, others desire and require more space, control, and freedom than traditional marriage can provide. We are coming to the realization that not all women have the same needs, wants, and desires for independence and this opens the possibility of true choice.

"Fish has to swim, birds have to fly." Woman has to bend or the relationship has to die. Our culture (and our own belief system) still raise the question: Is living single a valid choice or an unhealthy defense mechanism? We need to (consciously!) ask ourselves: "What would I be willing to give up to be in a full-time, committed relationship?" Single women who have given up the dream and the mandate of marriage and motherhood often say that the crucial step was to recognize that they have been making choices all along that have contributed to their finding themselves single in midlife. We own our choices in spite of the fact that we find it hard to acknowledge, even to ourselves, the significance of the choice. We still secretly fear that there is "something wrong with us" if we feel ambivalent about pursuing the dream.

Women who find themselves "successfully single" in midlife have arrived at that "destination" from very different roads. Some of us have always wanted to work, have creative and professional careers that we could not give up - even for the dream. For those of us who have never married, the prince may have never appeared. Half of us got divorced, whether we wanted to or not. But all of us, one way or another, came to the realization that true adulthood and emancipation begins with making our choices, in our heart and soul.

The real step toward "flying solo" is to accept who you are enough to stop worrying about how you are going to look or how you can impress others. Only then can the new story begin... not the easiest one, but definitely one worth living.

Love,
Miriam

Posted August 15th, 2007 by livingbyintent

Dear Miriam,
When I see a person who is passionate about her life, who has found her "place" in life, the world seems quite unfair to me. How did she get so lucky? Why not me?
It seems to me I'll do anything to have the life I love.
Truly yours,
Lana

Dear Lana,

You want a life you love. "To have the life you want, create the work you love." "Follow your bliss." "Do what you love, the money will follow," pursue your heart's desire - Joseph Cambell, Dr. Jarow, Marsha Sinefar, Dr. Hilda Lee Dale (and many others) seem to know what you should be doing: you should be doing what you love. And I mean LOVE, not just what you are skilled at.

I do not believe we live a life we love by doing what we "can" - we love it by doing what we want to do and love to do. What we love is what we are gifted at. People (who are no different than you and I!) who know what they want are ones who accomplish the great things in our world.

A study completed in the 80's by Harvard psychologists showed that people who consider themselves "happy" have two things in common. What do you think it is? Money? Success? In fact, they knew what they wanted and they felt that they were doing something toward accomplishing it. That is what makes life worth living: when it has direction and meaning. But if you don't know what you want... well, you are not alone. Almost 98 percent of Americans are "unhappy" with their jobs. And one of two main reasons that keep them stuck is: they don't know what to do instead (of course, the second major reason is financial concerns).

Isn't it interesting that what you have thought was your "personal problem" is so common? Let me share something with you. You know what you want. You feel that there is "your work" that you are meant to be doing. This is why you feel so unhappy when you can't do it. There are two major reasons why many of us cannot formulate to ourselves what we want; the good one and the bad one.

The good one: We have so many options to choose from. It is a definite success of our culture that many of us have the freedom to look for our life's work. This freedom is an incredible gift and an incredible responsibility. It compels us to expand our consciousness, to create our own goals, and in short, to own our lives.

The "bad" reason: The fact that we don't know what we want is due to an inner conflict preventing us from being fully conscious about "our heart's desires". One of my major focuses in creative career counseling is to help expand my clients' awareness, to bring into consciousness the nature of their internal conflicts, and then to help them get beyond it. When we see together the general meaning of the conflict, you'll be helped to select the strategy of action that will bring you to resolve your particular kind of conflict. And then, you begin to discover your own path, your heart's desire: the work of your life.

In the very near future, all of us - like it or not - are going to face a question: "What do I want to do?" All career development consultants are telling us that the direction of the future is clear - we are going to be a nation of experts, consultants, and entrepreneurs that work at home and are hired on a job-by-job basis according to our expertise. Those of us who are willing to develop what we love into the work of our life - and create a niche of excellence - will be at the forefront of this cultural change. Creating the work you love is a major challenge and a major commitment of your life journey.

Love,
Miriam

Posted August 15th, 2007 by livingbyintent

Dear Miriam,
I have an associate degree in business. I work in a small business company as a processing manager. My salary is my means of supporting myself. I take classes in business administration in the community college and learn new and sometimes exciting concepts relating to business. However, I feel increasingly unsatisfied and unfulfilled at my 9-to-5 job. I feel stuck, unable to make a decision:
Go back to school?
Change my job? Work for a bigger company?
Start my own "small business"?
Any suggestions?
Barbara Q.

Dear Barbara,

The simplest and most popular answer to your questions would be "Do what you love and love what you do," and money will follow. This expression refers to one of the most important challenges of our lives - discovering and pursuing our true purpose. In other words, we need to answer to ourselves the most fundamental question: What are we here to do?

It is only through discovering and fulfilling our purpose in life, through finding our true vocation, that life becomes meaningful and exciting, uniquely fits us, and brings creativity and joy into our very existence. We feel happy, energized, creative, and absorbed in our daily activities; and then our work day is not a 9-to-5 routine, but an integral part of our lives - our true vocation.

This step-by-step client-centered counseling process guides you to finding a fulfillment at work, through enabling you to take charge of your life and come from power instead of reacting; and finally, leads you to form goals for creating the future according to your inner vision. Together, we:

Explore your present situation;

Discover your true life purpose;

Set and achieve your goals;

Find and implement your definition of success;

Define and overcome your blocks to success;

Define your "money problem," and identify ways to love what you do and do what you love by serving people with love and integrity.

This process is designed for anyone who has to make important life decisions - whether one is choosing a field, changing careers, trying to get more satisfaction out of work, starting one's own business, reentering the job market or planning a new occupation for retirement. I would like to remind all of us of the beautiful and courageous words of Joseph Campbell, who himself was a living embodiment of pursuing true life purpose:

"If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself in a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in the field of your bliss, and they open the doors to you. I say follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and the doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be."

Now, I hope you have some food for thought!

Miriam

P.S - After I finished this letter, these words came to mind. "There must be more to life than having everything." - Maurice Sendak

Posted August 15th, 2007 by livingbyintent

Dear Miriam,
Why do some problems continue to reappear in my life and love relationships despite my best efforts to solve them?
Sincerely,
Hope

Dear Hope,

Have you ever heard the expression, "We get in life not what we want, but what we expect"? The difference being that our wants are conscious, while our expectations are not. Ken Keyes - an internationally known personal growth leader - said that problems lie in the lack of coordination between the conscious and the unconscious mind. To transform our lives, we need to synchronize conscious and unconscious; achieve the state of harmonious consciousness in which conscious and unconscious needs may and will coexist harmoniously. This will open up a possibility to conscious living, in a new sense of the word - where your conscious and unconscious can really communicate. Until we learn this skillful way to respond to life's events, we'll continue to ruin our lives, repeating the same destructive patterns again and again.

It is apparent that we must heal the childhood wounds. Nothing (including best intentions) works when we have deep childhood wounds that reside in the unconscious. Our rational mind has not the faintest idea about the existence of these traumas. Often, we even do not have any childhood memories, which usually means that we manage to repress quite a bit. These unconscious "hot buttons" constantly interfere with the intentions and effectiveness of our conscious, rational mind, destroy our intimate relationships and our self-esteem, and can sometimes lead to a depression.

In a nutshell, whatever we repress becomes a time bomb, ready for explosion whenever people in our current life "fit" the unconscious mind's perception of those who wounded us originally.

I hope this sheds some light on your current problems.

Love,
Miriam

Posted August 15th, 2007 by livingbyintent

Dear Miriam,
I wish I had more time:
I'd start my own business.
I'd take care of my health.
I'd change my life.
Love,
Hope

Dear Hope,

We are always right in our beliefs: Whatever you believe about time - that you are giving yourself time to do what you want to do, and therefore you are a success; or that time schedule pushes you through your daily life, and therefore you are a victim - you are right.

Let us ask ourselves a simple question: given a choice to do a difficult, but very desired work, or a simple, but not so desired one - what would we choose? The majority of us will choose the second option because it is easier. We will work on a more difficult task only if we are excited about it, and we will feel excitement about it only if it has meaning to us: if it leads to fulfillment of our desires. Put in simple words; we need to know what we want.

Time after time in my counseling office, I listen to my clients from all walks of life telling me, "I can do anything, if only... I could figure out what I want."

Unless we have clearly defined ideas of what we want in life's major areas,

personal life (spiritual, health, friends, hobbies, recreation);

career, education, income and finances;

love and family life;

home and community;

We do not feel in charge of our life and our time.

When we do not have our goals (priorities, desires) clarified, we give our time and energy to be used by those who do. Every one of us at some level knows what is important to us and what is our heart's desire. It is just those dreams get forgotten, buried under problems and challenges of life. And we live knowing what we do not want. We live trying to avoid pain instead of pursuing joy and pleasure of meaningful life. It looks like we took a journey, but we forgot our destination.

Often, doubts and fears paralyze us because we are afraid the price will be too high; we will be alone out there. It is a belief that to attain our dreams we must give up something else (usually the love of significant people in our life). The very first fear we need to give up is that one. We need to understand deeply that it is essential to live our life meaningfully. Unfulfilled people sooner or later become resentful.

The toxicity of unlived life hardens our wrinkles, clogs our arteries, makes our significant others into intimate enemies, sooner or later. It is up to us to rediscover who we want to be, what we want to do, and what we deserve to have, and then we will be able to take charge with our life and our time.

To your dreams!
Love,
Miriam