ANGER

Posted August 18th, 2007 by livingbyintent

Dear Miriam,
I am so angry... I fight a lot, but how else can I undo injustice?
Nina

Dear Nina,

It seems to me that your ruling passion is justice. Your main strengths - fair judgment, readiness to fight for a better world - are fueled by a passion to fight wrongs. As a result, your inner life is tied up with an ongoing battle for justice. In my experience, all of the above characteristics show a person who is angry with their parents. We can live our lives being furious about being deprived as a child, treated unfairly, denied acceptance and nurturing. All of us know men who cannot marry or deeply relate to women, or women who feel that the boss is unfair, their mother-in-law is mean, her friends and relatives misuse her kindness... Talk to these people about their parents and you'll find them infuriated over their mother's lack of love, their father's anger and withdrawal, and their favored siblings. They couldn't write the wrongs in their childhood, but now, they're ready to fight back.

Whatever the source of our anger, we are alert and ready to fight the wrongs done to us: the passion for justice creates a rage that can burn for an entire lifetime. We hold on to that fury, because it makes us stronger. Yes, justice makes us stronger, but the anger makes us sick. Rage erodes our bodies, our emotional lives, our thinking. When we hold on to our rage, we do more damage to ourselves than any of our enemies may have done to us. Rage makes us physically sick. I believe that when we are permanently angry, we expose ourselves to the possibilities of cancer, heart disease, ulcers, colitis, headaches, hypertension, and weakening of the immune system. Rage makes us emotionally ill: We pay for our ability to maintain anger from our capacity to love, to accept, to relate. We describe ourselves as being mad, we feel crazed and crazy. We forget out how relax, how to feel joy. But, worst of all, rage spreads and threatens every relationship we have, because they are all targets for our passion to right our wrongs.

Deep down, we know how much we allow it to get in our way. So, what can we do to let it go? If I were to tell you that there is a way to unburden your spirit of this load of madness you've been carrying around for so long... If I would promise you that you can heal, overcome your sense of deprivation, that you can restore the harmony in your life and bring back to your relationships a joy that you have forgotten was even there... Would you be willing to forgive? Decide to forgive. Decide to get the anger out of your way. If you are willing to work on the forgiveness, help is available. We can feel the pain, the hurt, and forgive anyway.

I know there are steps along the way that may be scary. To mention a few; we need to acknowledge the hurt, to heal the pain masked by anger. We need to acknowledge that most often, people who hurt us were acting not so much against us, but for themselves. This shift of understanding may be crucial for healing. We may try (if it's possible) to communicate our anger, our pain, and forgiveness. We may be afraid and stumble over any or all of these things. Forgiveness is a journey, not a destination. Along the way, we can reclaim our joy, our health, our peace of mind... We can reclaim our lives.

Love,
Miriam

Posted August 17th, 2007 by livingbyintent

Dear Miriam,
I am sick and tired of being tired, of constant dieting, of being always hungry. It seems to me that there should be a better way to live!
Lora M., 42

Dear Lora,

We need to understand what it means to be in good health, before we can regain (or maintain) wellness. The new approach to health and wellness has been evolving in our society for the last 20 years. To summarize it: our biography has become our biology. In other words, we need to realize that our state of being, our degree of wellness (or illness) is a result of our being and doing in the world. There is a direct correlation between who we are and our state of health. Let me share with you what I consider to be one of the most accurate and effective ways to explain the dynamics of illness (be it eating, shopping, sex, smoking, drinking, or any other form of addictive behavior).

From ancient mythology comes an image, an archetype of the Three-Headed Dragon, who could not be slain by cutting off just one head. All three heads must fall. Similarly to slaying the Three Headed Dragon, the battle from habitual (or addictive) behavior also consists of a three-fold approach: the first head of the dragon is the behavior (e.g. overeating), the second is the feelings we experience (our emotions on the subject), and the third is our thought process. These represent the three fold system that must be dealt with, in order to journey from illness to wellness; to slay our dragon!

Every therapist who is involved in weight control is well aware that dieting and taking pills to reduce one's appetite is not the answer. Appetite is a psychological inclination to eat (it makes us feel like eating), but eating is a behavior - an outer manifestation of our mental and emotional state. This is why dieting is not an answer to permanent weight management. The main causes of unhealthy eating habits are stress, anxiety, frustration, anger, family and sexual problems, feelings of guilt, and self-punishment. These negative emotions are mostly unconscious. That is why I believe that the treatment for the emotional roots having to do with poor eating habits could be hypnosis and/or therapy.

The problem of overeating is mainly psychological (emotional and mental) and when the emotional causes of unhealthy eating habits are corrected through hypnotherapy and mental attitudes are changed through a combination of hypnosis and cognitive - the necessary foundation for change will be built. When we change all three aspects of our being and doing: emotional, cognitive (thinking), and behavioral (our habits), the result will be permanent: The Three Headed Dragon will never live within us, ever again!

Love,
Miriam